Don't Let Me Get Me
by Blade-BB
Summary: What happens when Rachel Berry starts to have an aversion towards herself? Will she change? Who will stand by her during this transformation? Faberry. Warning: FEMMSLASH. Don't know if I'll continue this or leave it as a one-shot.  R&R  add disclaimers


**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, the characters or the song.**

**Don't Let Me Get Me**

The Sunday night was young and despite the fact that people had to work or go to school the next day almost all of them were out partying. They were celebrating the new year, all but one. Held up in her room after telling her dads that she couldn't change her routine even for a holiday, sat Rachel Berry on her bed. She was staring out the window at the snow on the ground, her chocolate eyes were lifeless as she let her thoughts wander. Wander they did, as they drifted to images and fantasies of a certain blond. Rachel's eyes snapped open and she brought her hand swiftly to her cheek to 'slap some sense into her' as Santana would say. She looked at her room and began to reflect on the past year.

The year definitely was filled with drama galore. There was the Valentines' Scandal, where Quinn and Finn both mysteriously got mono. There was the diva-off between herself and Mercedes, which they later found out was Sue's evil plot. There was Quinn's and Sam's terrible break-up, which Rachel still suspects Santana was the culprit of. There was Puck repeatedly trying to get into Lauren's over-sized pants. Kurt had told her about Blaine's failed attempt of seducing an older man who worked at GAP. The most confusing for her though was Finn. He would say something supportive and inspirational one moment, then he'd ignore her like she wasn't alive. These events all happened in the shortest month of that year, so the rest could only be assumed to be just as dramatic.

Rachel ran her hands through her long brown locks. A deep sigh escaped her lips as she laid down in her bed. Her slender hand reached for the blanket at her feet and pulled it over top her self. Thin eyelids close and immediately her mind is assaulted with images of a certain blond. Recently she hasn't been able to think of anyone else, and can't help but follow the blond with her eyes in the hallways. The diva isn't ashamed of her affection for the person, she just wishes it wasn't _that_ blond, any other blond would have been fine. Yet, Rachel never had luck before so why should she now when she is crushing on _the _Quinn Fabray. Rachel still doesn't know how she fell for the one girl who made her freshman year and part of her sophomore year a living hell. She hates herself for letting that girl take control of her heart. Recently, Rachel has been realizing how much she hates to be the ranting little diva she is, so she's been changing and thinks no one has realized a single thing. She sighs heavily and drifts off to sleep with thoughts of her tormentor.

-xxxxxxxxxx-

It was the first day back after their break and Rachel was at her locker getting her books for the first class. She had ditched the argyle over the summer, so no one was surprised by her appearance today. The diva was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark violet tank top, a pair of high top converses, and had a black and purple stripped jacket hanging over her shoulder. Berry also had on a bit of eyeliner and mascara to make her chocolate eyes pop. She stuffed the jacket in the locker and slung her book-bag over her shoulder; that was another thing everyone was shocked to see disappear, her rolling book-bag was now replaced by a regular black one. The girl shut her locker while walking away towards her class.

The day went by quickly and not a single word had come out of the divas mouth, yet no one seemed to care. She was sitting in the front row of seats in the choir room, leaning back and listening to her Ipod. The other members were wondering if she was gonna burst any moment with a power rant she'd been saving. Santana even made snarkycomments about the quite being a wonderful change and that she hoped it was permanent. When Mr. Shue walked in, Rachel tore out the ear-buds from her ears and listened as he told them of their next assignment.

"Ok guys," his perky voice rang through the room, "your next assignment is to sing a song of how you feel about yourself. What song best showcases _you_? Have it ready by next week." After that statement Rachel put her headphones back in for the perfect song to start playing for this assignment. She smiled to herself and made small changes to the lyrics in her mind as she listened. The glee club continued on despite Rachel being detached from everything they were doing, they even called her name and got no answer. After giving up on trying to get her attention they finished up and were dismissed. Rachel got up and walked out and the entire club was wondering where this new Rachel came from and where their diva went.

-xxxxxxxxxx-

It was Thursday now, and after four days of silence from their once vicious diva, the glee club was starting to worry about the pint sized teen. Regardless of their concerns, none of them have acted on it. Rachel could tell they wanted to say something to her but were too afraid to approach her, so she continued to remain silent. The entire school seemed to have an eerie silence taking over; most couldn't place what was different, except the glee club. Only the fellow club members knew the silence was from the fact no one had to listen to a rant in almost half a week. One glee member however decided to act today to find out what was different.

Rachel was in the bathroom checking her appearance in the mirror when the door opened and closed without a sound. She was shocked when the intruder pinned her against the wall adjacent to the sinks. Brown eyes looked up slowly and met hazel orbs of worry and anger. "Are you trying to freak everyone out Berry, cause it's starting to work?" Quinn Fabray was in front of the diva only a few inches from her face. "Seriously Berry," the blond sighed and looked at Rachel with only worry in those hazel orbs, "everyone is worried about you, at least talk to your fellow divas, Kurt and Mercedes, they are pulling their hair out trying to figure out the problem."

Rachel smirked as she removed Quinn's loose grip on her shirt. The diva took the blonde's hand and kissed the back of it, then she walked out like nothing happened. The days continued on with no word from the diva. It was now the weekend and the glee club was waiting for Monday so they could get a glimpse into the short girl's mind with her song choice. Quinn hadn't told anyone about the brief bathroom showdown, she was still too confused about Berry's reaction to her worried stare. What confused her even more was the warmth that came with the light kiss to her hand. She brushed off every possible out come and waited for Monday like the rest of the club.

-xxxxxxxxxx-

Monday had finally arrived and the glee kids were on edge. They had brain stormed many things over the weekend, most of them came back to Finn. None of them however thought of the real reason behind the diva's silence. The kids sat through their classes waiting for glee club to show up, and none were surprised when Rachel skipped out on lunch. The diva has disappeared to behind the school building where no one hung out. She put in her head-phones and turned on the song she'd be singing for her glee assignment. Her head bobbing to the sound she didn't hear the bell for class and she stayed there replaying the song. Rachel realized the time too late and it was already after school and time for glee.

She stood and started her trek towards the choir room. When the pint-sized girl showed up at meeting, everyone, including Mr. Shue, was already there and seated. They stiffened when they saw the girl walk into the room with a blank expression and take a seat with out explaining her absence. Mr Shue shook off the shock and asked Rachel to come up and sing her song. She nodded and approached the band handing them the sheet music and they all looked surprised at the selection.

The girl then stood in the middle of the room looking down and getting ready to sing this song. She signaled to the band to start. The glee kids were surprised when they heard music notes and a style that usually didn't come from song choices the diva had made in the past. They all listened on the edge of their seat as Rachel looked up and sang the first notes.

_Never won first place,__  
__of being part of the team.__  
I can't take direction,  
and my socks are always clean._

At this point a scoff could be heard from Santana's end of the room at the changed lyrics. She knew this would be a good song to listen to since it would incorporate the diva's life itself.

_Teachers hated me,  
classmates picked on me,  
I was never in a fight,  
'cause I do everything right._

A few pairs of eyes around the room took on a guilty expression as the diva walked towards the glass separating the room from Shue's office to look at her reflection.

_Everyday I fight a war against the mirror,  
I can't take the person looking back at me._

She turned away from the image of herself and walked back towards the other glee members. She ended up behind the last row of chairs as she belted out "back at me."

_I'm a hazard to myself.  
Don't let me get me.  
I'm my own worst enemy._

She wove through the chairs walking instead of her usual skip, and she ended up next to Santana as she sang the next line but did not stay next to her as she continued on.

_It's bad when you annoy yourself.  
So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more.  
I wanna be somebody else.  
I wanna be somebody else, yeah._

All the glee kids had their mouths hanging open as they listened to Rachel's song about herself.

_Shuuster told me, you'll be on Broadway,  
All you have to change,  
is everything you are._

Mr. Shue looked down guiltily as Rachel continued right on through the song not paying attention to the students in the class, but just venting the only way she knew how.

_Tired of being compared,  
to damn Britney Pierce,  
she's so pretty, that just ain't me._

Brit looked down remembering the comment she made to Rachel last year about the other kids not seeing her. Rachel stood in the front again as she sang on.

_Doctor, doctor,  
won't you please prescribe me something.  
A day in the life of someone else,  
cause I'm a hazard to myself.  
Don't let me get me.  
I'm my own worst enemy.  
It's bad when you annoy yourself.  
So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more.  
I wanna be somebody else._

The diva had stopped moving around the classroom and was now just standing in the front belting out the rest of the song to no one but herself.

_Don't let me get me.  
I'm my own worst enemy.  
It's bad when you annoy yourself.  
So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more.  
I wanna be somebody else._

_Doctor, doctor,  
won't you please prescribe me something.  
A day in the life of someone else._

_Don't let me get me.  
Oh, I'm a hazard to myself, yeah,  
Don't let me get me,  
I'm my own worst enemy,  
It's bad when you annoy yourself.  
So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more.  
I wanna be somebody else._

_Don't let me get me.  
I'm my own worst enemy.  
It's bad when you annoy yourself.  
So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more.  
I wanna be somebody else._

The girl lowered her head as she softly sang the next and last line of the song, the emotion of it echoing through the minds of the glee club.

_I wanna be somebody else._

Rachel took her seat quietly as the glee club was speechless from their star's performance, when the sympathetic whispers started from most of them she just stood grabbed her stuff and walked out the door. All of the kids stood up suddenly wanting to follow her but Quinn wouldn't have any of it. "Sit down," the command left her mouth and they obeyed. "Now, who said any of you had the right to follow her when it has been all of us who put that girl down so much she got to this point? Well, now we have a problem. I'll go after her, after all I have the most to apologize for; the rest of you stay here and continue with the meeting." Quinn flung her bag over her shoulder and left the club in the room, gaping for a second time that day.

Rachel was sitting on the front steps of the school, her father wouldn't be off work for another hour and a half. Usually she would get a ride with a glee member but today she decided that she'd call her father closer to closing time to ask him to pick her up. He wouldn't refuse because that's what he had done the previous years when she didn't have "friends." She heard footsteps approaching her but didn't turn to see who it was, she just stared at the ground humming the song she just sang. When the mystery person sat down next to her, she looked up to see hazel with specks of gold staring at her with understanding and sadness. "Look, Quinn, I don't need those sad eyes from you."

Quinn took the hand that was closer to her and kissed the back of it like Rachel had the previous week. "Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that i tortured you for years, I was just scared of myself when I lashed out at you." She held the girl's hand in her lap and stroked the back of it with her thumb. "Look, I know you have every right to hate-"

She was cut off effectively when a finger was pressed to her lips. "I don't hate you Quinn, I could never hate you, no matter what you do." She smiled bitterly. "It would be easier for me if i could hate you, then i wouldn't have to torture myself with every longing glance." Rachel was looking down, so she didn't notice the blush that suddenly crossed the blonde's cheeks and nose.

The grip on Rachel's hand tightened making the brunette look up into the blonde's eyes. "Rachel, I think I can relate to what you're saying. That's how it was for me when I first started here. I was afraid of my feelings, so afraid that I distorted them into another emotion in my mind. However," the diva was starting to smile at the ex-cheerio's words, "when I was pregnant with Beth, I realized it wasn't hate I was feeling. It was something more positive, more affectionate." She looked away from the brown eyes and sighed. "I fell in love with a girl, and I still think I'm in love with her."

Rachel's heart skipped a beat at the girl's words and she squeezed the hand around hers smiling softly as hazel eyes looked up and met hers. "Quinn, do you wanna get out of here? I need a ride anyway." The blond smiled and nodded towards the petite girl. They both stood, hands still locked between them, and walked towards the parking lot to the side where the students parked.

Quinn led Rachel to her car and opened the door for her. The diva smiled genuinely and climbed into the passenger seat. After shutting the door, the blond shut the door and made her way to her side of the car. When they were both buckled in and the car was started the taller girl looked over to the smaller and gave a smile before asking, "Where to, Rach?"


End file.
